the memory of panic

I was so scared of you
of your terrifying claws
residing in every cell of my body
and eating me up
wanting to get rid of you
I suppressed my feelings
and for a long time
I felt not a thing
and then I stood up to fight against you
not knowing yet
that it was what you needed
to grow
‘cos feeding you with my resistance
I kept perpetuating your damn existence
but finally I got the point:
I welcomed you and listened
to your horrible voice
I gave myself up to you
and let you flow through me
receiving my acceptance and love
you overwhelmed me
and made me feel dying
crazy, I touched the bottom
of the womb you prepared
but waking up from death I saw
that it was not me who died
but you


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