The entrance price was 30 euro. Not much as for what was going to happen. All the therapies I went through the last years cost me a fortune and still left me in this junky place addicted to so many things and dependent on so many persons. I thought I could write a book about it but the world was already full of the vomits of others. That’s why I chose this place.
I was told that this was something very extraordinary – you went in as you and you went out as the real you. I couldn’t understand what it meant and nobody really wanted to explain it to me, they just said that there was an old lady who could suck all the dirt out of you in two hours.
“Two hours and you are free from all your fears, worries, frustrations, anger… whatever bothers you.”
“So what is left?” – I was asking but they just smiled melting, as they called it “in a moment of happiness and love which lasts forever”.
I stood in front of this odd door thinking how scared I was. If all my demons were gone, if I became pure and new like a baby, if I couldn’t blame anybody anymore – who would I be? What would happen to my identity? Was my personality not built on everything I remembered (or didn’t remember but which still inhabited the cells of my body)? It seemed like majority of the things I was made of I couldn’t even swallow. Who was I going to be without them?
The door opened and the voice of the old lady said: “come in please” and I followed her.
The place itself was awesome – all those crystal lamps, candles, scents of essential oils and so many colours… The lady was very old but her face was beautiful. There was something about her wrinkles which made me feel soft and welcome. Her eyes hypnotized me and filled me in with a feeling of safety.
I sat down in a big, soft chair that she pointed to.
“I feel like I’m going to die” – I said.
“Don’t worry about that” – she answered.
“I don’t know who I will be afterwards.”
“You cannot know it. Your mind cannot comprehend it.“
“Will I lose my mind?”
“No, you will have it but on other terms, better for you.”
She stood up and started to prepare herself by taking one drop of each oil in a pot and putting it on the burning candle.
I thought how fed up I was with all my problems, with going through suffering and watching the suffering, with pain following every happy moment, with the madness of the life itself. I realized that I was ready to die if it only could make any difference.
I closed my eyes. My body started to trill and move pushed by the waves of warmth and cold. The old lady came up to me and she put her hands on my shoulders.
“Let go of everything which is not you” – she said and at that moment I knew what it was. I blacked out even though I still could here everything what was happening. It seemed that I was absent and present in this same time.
When she finished I didn’t want to open my eyes thinking that what I felt will disappear but it didn’t. I stood up and it didn’t. I went home and it didn’t. I took this moment with me to become the only moment I was going to have.
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