I’m free. I’m safe. I am.

Blue/ the element Water

I wasn’t free. My body was tided with the primal fear vibrating in every cell of it, nourished by thoughts of being nothing.

Who was I anyhow? A separated no-thing persistently trying to connect with almost everything which was not me.

Punched by hundreds of compulsive and repetitive thoughts every minute I finally lost the sense of being whoever I was meant to be. Although I let the thoughts appear – they kept rescuing me from silence, the dimension which for some reasons I could not stand.

The blurred picture of the future me seemed to belong to the future forever. It was the most inaccessible, unreal and unsafe version which was able to become reality if only I dared to live, but that I was not able to.

To dare to live would mean to stand up for what I felt, to know who I was and to tell my own truth without the fear of being ridiculed or rejected by the rest of the world. And I needed confirmation and appreciation like a flower needed water.

So I did my best to perform in the way the world expected me to do and to succeed according to its definition of success. I did my best in not being me.

Finally I was scoffed down by anxiety. The outer world became my biggest enemy with its dangerous and aggressive claws waiting behind every corner to take action.

This is what happens when the element water is out of balance. Kidney and Bladder are its organs. The Kidney’s energy represents your deepest will. Bladder maintains the self-steering. If they can act without being energetically blocked you may discover that silence is the most powerful dimension of life and the store of all answers. That it is enough to listen to be able to hear…
Your inner backbone becomes strong enough to give you the feeling of being held and supported. You don’t need faith, groupings, money, power or status to know that you are safe and secured.

You don’t look for connection either – it seems like you were always one with everything.
Grounding yourself in Earth may let you forget yourself in the arms of this what is called God.
You let yourself flow in the not-knowing.

Being is enough.

You are.

(written in continuation of my post: Life is full of colours and so are you)